unconditional

i was walking down the memory lane yesterday,
reliving your love within me
realizing what i lost
reviving the feelings of "unconditional"

you had promised it would be unconditional.. remember?
you had promised me the world ,when i didn't want it.
vowed to love me forever.
i knew deep within you were lying....
our thoughts would always differ

u had said you wanted nothing but love
love that was unconditional and free
why did you shun me then
leave me alone when i wanted you
to hold me tight in your arms
and give me what you called unconditional

how come you called me a slut
when week ago i was a goddess to you
how could you bruise my arm
when months back my headache made you cry

why did you leave your little baby
out in the world of hounds
shut her out of the world she was
where love knew no bounds


now that your gone
your little kid is all alone
she looks for you in her memory lane
searching in vain for what you had termed "unconditional"

.............finito

i look at those happy faces ,
all smiling in blissful mirth.
they love to see me play the fool
my antics make them laugh
i juggle ,and jump, shout and scream
to them i am a funny dream
i am tired yet i dance
my body aches with every stance
i mock myself along with them
disguising my tears of shame
im tired of being me...u know
tired of making them smile
just tired of wearing insults
like id wear my new jacket
it makes me sick in my mind
to see how they leech at me
ogle at my painted nose
laugh at peculiar shoes
they wouldn't look closer u know
i know they are scared to see,
the distortion beneath....
of what they have made me
scared to death they are within
they know very well their sin
a day will come,when the paint will wash off
they'll have to look at the effect of their action
my face distorted,my laughter, then screams
screeching in pain,they'll come down to me
begging mercy
....................for having bleed me to death,robbing me of happiness
so that they could laugh freely ......at my expense
i am expensive u know..................its time i ask my worth..
rob them off what they call happiness.........deprive them of life.

me ,myself and fantasy

have you ever wanted to fly high ,across the vast seas,crossing long stretches of green land,makes you feel like a soul,covering distances mankind dreads to cross. life seems to be so beautiful,almost engrossing at times.yet sleepless nights gives me shivers.......... its nice to see the soul lift itself up higher and higher, in a golden chariot of smoke and sulfur dust...
death seems to be a welcome friend, the person we all confide in, hiding our face in his shadows. we run away from the big bad world into his arms, for peace..........peace ,,well she is a harmless person very consoling all the time...calms your mind.
yet sleepless nights gives me shivers ....my heart seems like it would burst out. so much within... i wish death was nearby. he was such a welcome escape....they wont let him come to me now...... they want me to suffer..........my ideas are taking their revenge. ive trapped them in me,cooped them up in my brain, they are struggling to break free ..........strong chains of sanity binds them.......... help is all i need..... your scared to help me i know....... im claustrophobic within , my soul revolts ....she wants to fly away across the green meadows of fantasy..... they wont let death come
my ideas are exuding their vengeance onto me..........pouring out their poison into my veins, my blood turns black...............im loosing my sanity.......my soul raped of sanctity,........they want revenge now, from me from u and from the world.................my fantasy flies away. my meadows turn into desert......................im loosing it......... death is all i crave for.......... let me go.......my charoit is leaving ....please let me go........please