mystified

i woke up just now in fear , yes. yet another terribly bad dream.
i am fed up now. i hate this phobia developing within me , yet somehow i cannot see what it is...

sinking within , petrified to even realize what is engulfing me...
i keep thinking and repeating to myself that it is a dream,
yet my mind ,shudders in fear, what if its not a dream what if its true...
its meaning i know not what , is mostly undecipherable.
my poetry lacks the ability to narrate its vividness...
it seems a nightmare now , so full yet so hollow ..
catastrophe to mankind, yet when i wake up , i smile to myself ...
the pleasure of having this dream is like an addiction .
i dream it repeatedly , telling myself its may be real, just to wake up and realize its a dream...........
it starts with a bright sunshine , flowers , beaches. its as if some movie camera is focusing on all the good things of life...focusing on life itself.....bright green canopies ,blue seas, and lovely breeze.
gradually day breaks with war in the plains while i watch from the mountain top. deadly and bloody , men slaughtered like animals, i have never witnessed such intensity and impact of explosion...hatred within mankind for each other. I feel my toes curling in fear
My mind is raked with such tremendous torture..I pray to some unearthly being to help.
the skies are bleeding now,the rainfall being strangely red and acidic.
I am scared i hide , in a cave ...only to find myself impregnated with child........
it seems so real , i feel too devastated and scared to even believe it. My body feels heavy and i can feel life within me.
i can even feel immense pain in my head , bright light fills the cave .I see myself holding a baby wrapped in blood covered white sheets....
it ends with an explosion ,everything around me is destroyed while the baby sleeps peacefully in my arms unaware of anything that is occurring in her surroundings.

its very unusual to have such violent dreams maybe my mind seeks an outlet in creating such contradictory situations ....
i am a perturbed .

spaces

Spaces

“The number you are trying to reach is presently not available”
I tried Sumit’s phone again it was not available. Sumit is never available since
our marriage three years back. Our marriage was that of convenience.
We were friends for several years both being very busy with our careers. Our parents assuming we were in love concluded that marriage was the best thing for us. Neither of us objected because it was convenient for both
Over the years Sumit has become a habit. He is barely home, and when he is, he is working. We hardly communicate, we do not need to, we understand each other well. We believe in giving space to each other. We live more like roommates than like a family. It’s beneficial for our careers after all.

Sumit is very cautious by nature, never keeping any stone unturned.
He looks after both his parents and mine. Our family is almost perfect except of course the immense space between us its rather suffocating nowadays.
I have decided today however to talk with him. His mother feels we need a holiday, she probably feels we are falling out of love.
If only she would realize that we were not in love.

He has never been so late. Its 11:45. Usually his phone is not available till 11 when he is at work. He then drives back home, everyday. If he is ever late he informs me,
Its 12:15 I call him again his phone rings this time, I disconnect it. Sumit dislikes attending calls or messaging people while he is out for work except emergencies.
Ill have to talk with him tonight, probably his mother is right, probably we should cease being roommates, may be we do not need so much space between us, may be?

I hear the doorbell. Sumits home. Either of us has to communicate, I will have to break the ice tonight.
I open the door………………………and the space between us is destroyed for ever.
They carry his body out of the house. I busy myself consoling his mother.
I pick up his phone, and see the last unfinished message he was about to send………..”I am coming home jaan
Do not worry
P.S: "love you”could never say it though
I switch it off……………………………tears roll down after a decade
he made me cry.




love is easy ,living is hard

wanderings.................

snippets of glory , singlets of verse,
silently humming songs unrehearsed....
revealed histories,untold mysteries,
crystal hues of a sudden cloudburst.

fiery sunset, hustling ghats.
bustling townsmen at their Sunday chats.
windy evenings,eager beings,
untold epics of fatal combats.

lazy wanderings, stolen thoughts,
jingling bangles,trinkets o' all sorts.
secrets smiles, empty mud-pots,
gentle gestures seemingly well taught.

dusky sky, speeding boats,
ringing bells at the ancient fort.
sonorous chonches,fragrant incense,
incessant reprise of sanctified chants.....

empty drums,retiring artisans,
forlorn alleys by dingy shams....
dismal sighs,hapless beds.
a slumber into hidden fantasies...




................................................ priyadarshini (7/4/010)

CUSTOMIZED

we walk, we talk. we give a sugary smile.
we nod, we agree , to every rotten pile.....

we know its wrong and yet we consume
we know its false and yet we presume...

you stand,you laugh , knowing the truth
yet you look away , ....is it that uncouth?

i think and think and keep thinking away....
right, wrong, just,unjust , my thoughts fleeting away.

masks and tasks i decide which to choose.
tasks it is .............masks i refuse to use....

i stare and stare anticipating the next
knowing the end will make me more vexed....

faces and traces of false tears on them ,
i read very well their greed for fame.

alas i can only warn ......for the world has only one call
be customized according to your call.

smile,and please and fetchingly seek...
and you will favored for your are sheepishly weak.

be bold and blunt and truthful to your duty ,
you end being a liar and a scholar unworthy.