mystified

i woke up just now in fear , yes. yet another terribly bad dream.
i am fed up now. i hate this phobia developing within me , yet somehow i cannot see what it is...

sinking within , petrified to even realize what is engulfing me...
i keep thinking and repeating to myself that it is a dream,
yet my mind ,shudders in fear, what if its not a dream what if its true...
its meaning i know not what , is mostly undecipherable.
my poetry lacks the ability to narrate its vividness...
it seems a nightmare now , so full yet so hollow ..
catastrophe to mankind, yet when i wake up , i smile to myself ...
the pleasure of having this dream is like an addiction .
i dream it repeatedly , telling myself its may be real, just to wake up and realize its a dream...........
it starts with a bright sunshine , flowers , beaches. its as if some movie camera is focusing on all the good things of life...focusing on life itself.....bright green canopies ,blue seas, and lovely breeze.
gradually day breaks with war in the plains while i watch from the mountain top. deadly and bloody , men slaughtered like animals, i have never witnessed such intensity and impact of explosion...hatred within mankind for each other. I feel my toes curling in fear
My mind is raked with such tremendous torture..I pray to some unearthly being to help.
the skies are bleeding now,the rainfall being strangely red and acidic.
I am scared i hide , in a cave ...only to find myself impregnated with child........
it seems so real , i feel too devastated and scared to even believe it. My body feels heavy and i can feel life within me.
i can even feel immense pain in my head , bright light fills the cave .I see myself holding a baby wrapped in blood covered white sheets....
it ends with an explosion ,everything around me is destroyed while the baby sleeps peacefully in my arms unaware of anything that is occurring in her surroundings.

its very unusual to have such violent dreams maybe my mind seeks an outlet in creating such contradictory situations ....
i am a perturbed .