frozen in time , my shadow moves with my flickering light
diminished through the years of solitude and wait.
the night lantern keeps giving me hope
a hope i longed to find in so many i loved.
clinging to each of them, i cried , 'relieve me of this pain'
scared , biwildred faces was all i saw in response,
hands desparately trying to detach me from them
to shake of the liability they had, to flee
when they fled my side , abandoning my heart forever
i was cold and barren , but thats so predictable
pity my condition fori had no one to love
no one to call my own, no one to support me
everynight i would look into my lantern ,shining bright
in strom and struggle,i would watch the flame diminishing
and flaring up in the wind ,days , weeks and months passed,
with the hot summer days and windless warm nights
my lantern shone brighter,i had waited patiently for days now
not a word i heard from them,rainy and hail,autumn mornings ,
not a sight , or a voice i heard seasons passed and years ,
a decade i still wait ,i do
but nothing is void anymore,
my garden has bloomed fresh flowers ,the harvest is over
there is enough oil to light several lanterns
yet when i look at the one lantern through the mirror every night
i know its glow shall always be golden and bright
Saturday, December 11, 2010
teriyaki winters
one often wonders what kolkata winters should be like. now that the city of joy is just a politicians toy and is several degrees filthier than it was even when we were in school. however the specific punch still resides in these lovely winter mornings like now ,when i am writing this.
the almost seducing swish of the janitors brooms on alley in from of my house , the sweet smell of the maid's freshly washed hair, and the half burned milk and almost freshly baked buttered bread fills in my environment with this overwhelming feeling of sucess.
i sit back on my chair in pride , smiling to myself how much i love, my neighborhood , more so my veranda and alley below.early winter mornings in kolkata is paradise relived everyday in several unique ways . as the day falls and the swishing and scrubbing get replaced by the drilling and boomings of the large constructions in my neighborhood . the sweetness regains its punch , almost pungent and odorous yet thought provoking , somewhere very deep rooted- just like the drilling noise , making a steady humming inside one's mind.
my city with all her concrete contours and barren-ed out greenery seems much more beautiful in winters, though the dust seems a bit to intolerable and the sun still grills out the sweat , yet the somberness of evenings is quite a catch.
when the sun sets right at 5 or before, the city tends to a silent wisper , as if a cry, a need to be loved ,just like the cravings i have when my beloved isn't around. this is when my heart goes out to kolkata , to her sudden and shy sweetness, to her chlorinated water, and intolerable stench , to her dusty roads and unbearable menfolk.
she so resembles a teriyaki chicken , so soft,so sweet, yet grilled and smoky ,almost always a culinary delicacy.
kolkata does make me long for her specially in the winters when i long for other beautiful delicacies in my heart.
the almost seducing swish of the janitors brooms on alley in from of my house , the sweet smell of the maid's freshly washed hair, and the half burned milk and almost freshly baked buttered bread fills in my environment with this overwhelming feeling of sucess.
i sit back on my chair in pride , smiling to myself how much i love, my neighborhood , more so my veranda and alley below.early winter mornings in kolkata is paradise relived everyday in several unique ways . as the day falls and the swishing and scrubbing get replaced by the drilling and boomings of the large constructions in my neighborhood . the sweetness regains its punch , almost pungent and odorous yet thought provoking , somewhere very deep rooted- just like the drilling noise , making a steady humming inside one's mind.
my city with all her concrete contours and barren-ed out greenery seems much more beautiful in winters, though the dust seems a bit to intolerable and the sun still grills out the sweat , yet the somberness of evenings is quite a catch.
when the sun sets right at 5 or before, the city tends to a silent wisper , as if a cry, a need to be loved ,just like the cravings i have when my beloved isn't around. this is when my heart goes out to kolkata , to her sudden and shy sweetness, to her chlorinated water, and intolerable stench , to her dusty roads and unbearable menfolk.
she so resembles a teriyaki chicken , so soft,so sweet, yet grilled and smoky ,almost always a culinary delicacy.
kolkata does make me long for her specially in the winters when i long for other beautiful delicacies in my heart.
storm
her silent tears were almost hidden by the raindrops on her face
her eyes half closed and not searching anymore
her face calm for once after the storm, or was it just before
her body trembling to the cold sting of the rain , almost pale
yet she stood, for reasons we may not implore.
her silent tears were almost negligible tonight
was it freedom? or was it pain of survival
her hands were sore,her arms were bleeding
the blood made rivulets down her body
yet she stood for she had no reason to fall
her silent tears would end with the storm.
her body ached to rest , her head felt heavy as lead
her feet were losing ground, her love had left today
years of agony and strife,and tolerance was over now
yet she stood ,tired , not beaten though , not dead anymore
her silent tears would scream out her truth tonight
her mind most stable when she resisted with all her might
her head held high , her being fighting one last night
the fresh smell of peace, the feel of respect surged back
yet she stood ,beneath her feet he lay ,gone for ever
her silent tears would end yet another war again
she cried, her eyes had lost their color long back
her heart bleeding for the last time , no more
she moved away slowly , staggering yet not broken
yet, tonight she loved most, herself ,
tonight she started loving again
her eyes half closed and not searching anymore
her face calm for once after the storm, or was it just before
her body trembling to the cold sting of the rain , almost pale
yet she stood, for reasons we may not implore.
her silent tears were almost negligible tonight
was it freedom? or was it pain of survival
her hands were sore,her arms were bleeding
the blood made rivulets down her body
yet she stood for she had no reason to fall
her silent tears would end with the storm.
her body ached to rest , her head felt heavy as lead
her feet were losing ground, her love had left today
years of agony and strife,and tolerance was over now
yet she stood ,tired , not beaten though , not dead anymore
her silent tears would scream out her truth tonight
her mind most stable when she resisted with all her might
her head held high , her being fighting one last night
the fresh smell of peace, the feel of respect surged back
yet she stood ,beneath her feet he lay ,gone for ever
her silent tears would end yet another war again
she cried, her eyes had lost their color long back
her heart bleeding for the last time , no more
she moved away slowly , staggering yet not broken
yet, tonight she loved most, herself ,
tonight she started loving again
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
radha
i always wanted to be radha when i would dance in school , it was such a gratifying feeling being the lead dancer.
often i wondered was love so great , that she left her family for the love of lord krishna , was she never pointed at, called names?
strange isnt it, she was i am sure it was hard to listen to her heart and defy the world....
but we had another radha in our neighbouhood , our sweeper's daughter , lovely little girl, very bright , very talented ...
radha had run away from home to become actress in Bollywood , but as the city and its fangs bit her hard. many years later , when my sister was about to leave for Nigeria , i had seen her standing near my neighbor's door. delighted i went to meet her, her face was much beautiful and glowing almost in the early morning light.
i stood talking with her for almost an hour , mother and father were away seeing Dibhai off at the airport. it was almost seven thirty when radha took my leave , and hugged me . memories came flowing by , how we played in our courtyard and my sister would be our teacher, and punish us...memories of , warm summers,beautiful winters spend learning to knit , and sew and tie plaits of various kinds till late in the evening when radha would go home and cook while we sat down with homework.
tears welled up my eyes , i asked radha to stay , she refused , she didn't want to be seen, people wouldnt like us seen together , she had come to see my sister leave from a distance lest mother would know.
radha worked as prostitute in Mumbai. she would come down to visit her parents once a year for one night and leave the next day early , but radha left me that day proud , very proud
it was her job , she feared the society yes , but her fear didn't stop her from loving with her heart , they had sold her body not her being , they could never do that......... never......
i would never have her courage ,or her faith , she knew it wouldn't matter to me who she was now , but she never visited me again , just once letting me know those memories are precious to her as well.....i wish someday someday .....
often i wondered was love so great , that she left her family for the love of lord krishna , was she never pointed at, called names?
strange isnt it, she was i am sure it was hard to listen to her heart and defy the world....
but we had another radha in our neighbouhood , our sweeper's daughter , lovely little girl, very bright , very talented ...
radha had run away from home to become actress in Bollywood , but as the city and its fangs bit her hard. many years later , when my sister was about to leave for Nigeria , i had seen her standing near my neighbor's door. delighted i went to meet her, her face was much beautiful and glowing almost in the early morning light.
i stood talking with her for almost an hour , mother and father were away seeing Dibhai off at the airport. it was almost seven thirty when radha took my leave , and hugged me . memories came flowing by , how we played in our courtyard and my sister would be our teacher, and punish us...memories of , warm summers,beautiful winters spend learning to knit , and sew and tie plaits of various kinds till late in the evening when radha would go home and cook while we sat down with homework.
tears welled up my eyes , i asked radha to stay , she refused , she didn't want to be seen, people wouldnt like us seen together , she had come to see my sister leave from a distance lest mother would know.
radha worked as prostitute in Mumbai. she would come down to visit her parents once a year for one night and leave the next day early , but radha left me that day proud , very proud
it was her job , she feared the society yes , but her fear didn't stop her from loving with her heart , they had sold her body not her being , they could never do that......... never......
i would never have her courage ,or her faith , she knew it wouldn't matter to me who she was now , but she never visited me again , just once letting me know those memories are precious to her as well.....i wish someday someday .....
actresses
my mother often told me when i was young, that the world i beautiful place until it starts revealing itself to you. i often remembered those lines. people we meet every other day, things we do , conversation we have all are somehow masked by a layer. i often wonder if i am masked too. my patience trials away yet i keep smiling when i am not happy,i am tired of being nice , i am tired of not retaliating when i want to.yet somehow i keep doing them , i smile , i walk ,i talk , i dont loose my temper everywhere and i dont retaliate.i am as much masked then , much more than others.
but such covers are necessary i think , to undo the pains our reactions may instill on others. somehow i feel too much burdened today of such masks , such feigning, attitude. mother says we women are great actresses , performing our roles so well. some one i know once stated , me being coy and nagging a lot is also a sort of role playing. i had never thought of myself as playing a role.
here we may all stop to think, have we so deeply imbibed our roles , anything out of that becomes untoward , incorrect , bad , questioned and contested. strange is the system , painful is its ways.... power relations rule the circumstances of life. but do we deserve this , or if we revolt are we going to get ourselves out of one pattern to thrust ourselves to another pattern.
the process seems cyclic . almost infinite , controller,controlled, controlled becomes controller and it goes on. a stop to it ,might just never happen. when i see newspaper reports of rape and abuse ,assault and harassment , i smile.
isn't it part of our roles to play the victim waiting to be saved by our saviors. the parochial society leaves us to prove them guilty and to prove that the crime has been committed. i smile when i see , a husband checking his wife's cellphone , ordering her to cover her head and cater to her in laws.
when will be ever grow sick and tired of such performances , when will be just all break the rules and be ourselves , when will we just stop and think masks are needed to hide the dirt inside , but we are not dirty , we are made to be so.
when will we stop thinking ourselves impure , pure, and virgin ,when shall this mask fall off ,when?
someday it should before it sticks on to us so much that it never comes off
we must hurry.....we must
but such covers are necessary i think , to undo the pains our reactions may instill on others. somehow i feel too much burdened today of such masks , such feigning, attitude. mother says we women are great actresses , performing our roles so well. some one i know once stated , me being coy and nagging a lot is also a sort of role playing. i had never thought of myself as playing a role.
here we may all stop to think, have we so deeply imbibed our roles , anything out of that becomes untoward , incorrect , bad , questioned and contested. strange is the system , painful is its ways.... power relations rule the circumstances of life. but do we deserve this , or if we revolt are we going to get ourselves out of one pattern to thrust ourselves to another pattern.
the process seems cyclic . almost infinite , controller,controlled, controlled becomes controller and it goes on. a stop to it ,might just never happen. when i see newspaper reports of rape and abuse ,assault and harassment , i smile.
isn't it part of our roles to play the victim waiting to be saved by our saviors. the parochial society leaves us to prove them guilty and to prove that the crime has been committed. i smile when i see , a husband checking his wife's cellphone , ordering her to cover her head and cater to her in laws.
when will be ever grow sick and tired of such performances , when will be just all break the rules and be ourselves , when will we just stop and think masks are needed to hide the dirt inside , but we are not dirty , we are made to be so.
when will we stop thinking ourselves impure , pure, and virgin ,when shall this mask fall off ,when?
someday it should before it sticks on to us so much that it never comes off
we must hurry.....we must
Thursday, October 07, 2010
mummy
mummy do you love me ?
in-spite of all he said....will you let me grow?
i can feel when you touch me , and tell me how you are.
and feel your pleasant whisper , though i cannot even hear.
i know you cried last night , when that man hit you hard
your tears felt salty , and had my senses blurred.
mommy when i grow up , i'll wash your pain away,
and take you to the garden u went the other day
mommy i shall buy you , new dresses that you want
but fear you cant afford them, from the meager money grant.
mommy when i grow up, we'll live in the seaside flat,
where you often dream of living , lying on our yellow mat.
mommy when i grow up , we'll have the biggest car,
you'll never have to worry of leaving me alone in fear.
mommy when i grow up , ill not want a dad
i know ill always hate him , for making you so sad
mommy when i grow up , we will have the best food
and ill make you a proud mommy , always feeling good.
mommy can you hear me, please don't let me die
i promise you be happy
in-spite of all he said....will you let me grow?
i can feel when you touch me , and tell me how you are.
and feel your pleasant whisper , though i cannot even hear.
i know you cried last night , when that man hit you hard
your tears felt salty , and had my senses blurred.
mommy when i grow up , i'll wash your pain away,
and take you to the garden u went the other day
mommy i shall buy you , new dresses that you want
but fear you cant afford them, from the meager money grant.
mommy when i grow up, we'll live in the seaside flat,
where you often dream of living , lying on our yellow mat.
mommy when i grow up , we'll have the biggest car,
you'll never have to worry of leaving me alone in fear.
mommy when i grow up , ill not want a dad
i know ill always hate him , for making you so sad
mommy when i grow up , we will have the best food
and ill make you a proud mommy , always feeling good.
mommy can you hear me, please don't let me die
i promise you be happy
third eye
i look myself in the mirror ,
my shame knows no bound.
everyday they come to room,
Sarita aunt never stops them.
i wish i could tell her,
how much it pains me.
how dirty i feel.
ma used to say its will be fine
when everyday she would comb my hair
before letting me out to play,
i would look back to see them entering her room
while she would close the door on my face.
i remember the men coming in palkis
to collect chaste soil from our courtyard
to make the idol ....
i wondered why our courtyard was so chaste
i found it rather dirty
stinking with smell of liquor, and dirty loin cloth
Sarita aunt always told me
we are the third eye
the third eye?
whose eye?
women from good families had them i guess
like the goddess durga
i keep looking at myself in the mirror
would i have a third eye,
would i? rather should i not?
i am no less pretty , no less loving ?
no less a mother than good women?
tonight i shall close my door,
and pray to Ma for my third eye
tonight i shall not succumb to them
tonight i want to know
if you made her out of my soil
would i not be her ?
if you closed you door to me
are you not defying her ?
i shall look into my mirror
tonight i shall find my third eye
my shame knows no bound.
everyday they come to room,
Sarita aunt never stops them.
i wish i could tell her,
how much it pains me.
how dirty i feel.
ma used to say its will be fine
when everyday she would comb my hair
before letting me out to play,
i would look back to see them entering her room
while she would close the door on my face.
i remember the men coming in palkis
to collect chaste soil from our courtyard
to make the idol ....
i wondered why our courtyard was so chaste
i found it rather dirty
stinking with smell of liquor, and dirty loin cloth
Sarita aunt always told me
we are the third eye
the third eye?
whose eye?
women from good families had them i guess
like the goddess durga
i keep looking at myself in the mirror
would i have a third eye,
would i? rather should i not?
i am no less pretty , no less loving ?
no less a mother than good women?
tonight i shall close my door,
and pray to Ma for my third eye
tonight i shall not succumb to them
tonight i want to know
if you made her out of my soil
would i not be her ?
if you closed you door to me
are you not defying her ?
i shall look into my mirror
tonight i shall find my third eye
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
reward
i so always wished i warmed your bed ,
id warm it so much that you would drop dead
and while your climbing on my whole
i would just tenderly suck out your soul
and kiss your ears ,bite it hard
oh common baby thats your reward...
i so always wished to wash your shirt
and wash it well to remove your dirt.
and while you let your muck on me
i would silently steal your dungeon key.
and kiss you neck and lick it clean
oh common baby thats your reward...
i so always wished to cook your food.
and cook it well that you die for good
and while you crush me down beneath
i silently call upon your death
and bite your chest and eat your heart
oh common baby thats your reward.....
i so always wish , whenever i can
i would someday see you, no more a man.
your manhood shriveled ,withering in pain.
there is a price, you pay for every gain.
for the bodies you sold , and the flesh you had,
oh common baby its your reward
id warm it so much that you would drop dead
and while your climbing on my whole
i would just tenderly suck out your soul
and kiss your ears ,bite it hard
oh common baby thats your reward...
i so always wished to wash your shirt
and wash it well to remove your dirt.
and while you let your muck on me
i would silently steal your dungeon key.
and kiss you neck and lick it clean
oh common baby thats your reward...
i so always wished to cook your food.
and cook it well that you die for good
and while you crush me down beneath
i silently call upon your death
and bite your chest and eat your heart
oh common baby thats your reward.....
i so always wish , whenever i can
i would someday see you, no more a man.
your manhood shriveled ,withering in pain.
there is a price, you pay for every gain.
for the bodies you sold , and the flesh you had,
oh common baby its your reward
confessions of a Facebook addict
clicks and tips. smiles and miles
yes i so love internet files
shops to buy, seeds to grow
i love farm ville coins too
phew what imagination beholds is unimaginable in its normal senses of course. oh how i love my Facebook profile, i could write an ode to it. The beauty of the whole feeling of opening my viao , connecting it to the lovely bsnl connection and waiting for the amazing Google page to open is endearing, awwwwe!!!!!
whereupon i jump to click the Facebook icon of my favorite tab and looo , the enchanting world opens in front of my eyes. i so love it , i so love seeing my profile photos , often clicked by my o so talented boyfriend who helplessly smiles as i upload his beloved photographs on Facebook for public display and recognition.
i understand his misery , i realize his generally quiet self churning under the pain of having his wall spammed by my photos and their beautiful comments that my lovely and not so lovely friends make. i am helpless i accept it , i am a fbholic and i couldn't care less. frankly i love to put up my best quotations up my wall , but i often end up reading the o so lovely comments and statements my friends make , oh how much i await those comments , so many bring in such controversies with them.
of late many of lovely friends have taken the jihad of sexuality seriously and have made lovely statements or put up more lovely photographs reflecting their views , such diversity , conflicting inst it , how the cyberspace eats into your patriotism, tradition and blah blah.
oh Facebook i love you so much, i love young dumb zynga games, knowing well i will become equally dumb playing them i cannot resit harvesting my wheat,rye and milking the pin and green cow. and how i cannot express i miss plowing my land fearing if my friends cross my level and get more money. you have given me a new reason to fight bravo Facebook such lovely training.
and of course those lovely quizzes , octopuses predicting whether i will get a mobile or not , and reminding me not to argue with authorities , such great astrologers even Nostradamus would be teary eyed witnessing the development of cyberspace from heaven and send his message through face book to us all ,yaay.
oh lovely Facebook thank you for filling my life with so much space that i have no space left for anyone and filling my mind with so much care and love, that i feel i will burst with this love , never mind however plastic it may be , i love you Facebook , i love being addicted to you and i shall keep being so.
my love for u shall never end , however cyber it may be ,
i shall plow my land , reap my crop and decorate my Christmas tree
and while away my precious hours staring at your colored links
worshiping every zynga game till my career forever sinks.
yes i so love internet files
shops to buy, seeds to grow
i love farm ville coins too
phew what imagination beholds is unimaginable in its normal senses of course. oh how i love my Facebook profile, i could write an ode to it. The beauty of the whole feeling of opening my viao , connecting it to the lovely bsnl connection and waiting for the amazing Google page to open is endearing, awwwwe!!!!!
whereupon i jump to click the Facebook icon of my favorite tab and looo , the enchanting world opens in front of my eyes. i so love it , i so love seeing my profile photos , often clicked by my o so talented boyfriend who helplessly smiles as i upload his beloved photographs on Facebook for public display and recognition.
i understand his misery , i realize his generally quiet self churning under the pain of having his wall spammed by my photos and their beautiful comments that my lovely and not so lovely friends make. i am helpless i accept it , i am a fbholic and i couldn't care less. frankly i love to put up my best quotations up my wall , but i often end up reading the o so lovely comments and statements my friends make , oh how much i await those comments , so many bring in such controversies with them.
of late many of lovely friends have taken the jihad of sexuality seriously and have made lovely statements or put up more lovely photographs reflecting their views , such diversity , conflicting inst it , how the cyberspace eats into your patriotism, tradition and blah blah.
oh Facebook i love you so much, i love young dumb zynga games, knowing well i will become equally dumb playing them i cannot resit harvesting my wheat,rye and milking the pin and green cow. and how i cannot express i miss plowing my land fearing if my friends cross my level and get more money. you have given me a new reason to fight bravo Facebook such lovely training.
and of course those lovely quizzes , octopuses predicting whether i will get a mobile or not , and reminding me not to argue with authorities , such great astrologers even Nostradamus would be teary eyed witnessing the development of cyberspace from heaven and send his message through face book to us all ,yaay.
oh lovely Facebook thank you for filling my life with so much space that i have no space left for anyone and filling my mind with so much care and love, that i feel i will burst with this love , never mind however plastic it may be , i love you Facebook , i love being addicted to you and i shall keep being so.
my love for u shall never end , however cyber it may be ,
i shall plow my land , reap my crop and decorate my Christmas tree
and while away my precious hours staring at your colored links
worshiping every zynga game till my career forever sinks.
her poem
i shall write a new poem
about something i know not ,
it runs in my mind ,
faster than light ,
and it shapes a kind ,
in every small crystal that falls from my eyes,
i know in slumber,
where fantasy flies
i smile at the pages , scribbling for long
hoping i can write some beautiful song
all dat somes reeling and raving my thoughts
are hundreds of bloodsheds and merciless shots.
i churn at vision , hoping to run;
i look at pages, think of the new sun.
petals and roses , of mysteries blue
of shadows and thorns and histories true.
the paper is smooth , afresh and new
just like the shinning sun , seen in the dew.
i write and write and keep writing on
poetries, stories , and tragedies gone ,
hoping the pencil will stop or shall break
praying to myself ,for sanities sake
the paper looks up and i look in
her stories of pain, shall always begin
the end is not written , her story goes on
ages and ages are yet left to mourn.
about something i know not ,
it runs in my mind ,
faster than light ,
and it shapes a kind ,
in every small crystal that falls from my eyes,
i know in slumber,
where fantasy flies
i smile at the pages , scribbling for long
hoping i can write some beautiful song
all dat somes reeling and raving my thoughts
are hundreds of bloodsheds and merciless shots.
i churn at vision , hoping to run;
i look at pages, think of the new sun.
petals and roses , of mysteries blue
of shadows and thorns and histories true.
the paper is smooth , afresh and new
just like the shinning sun , seen in the dew.
i write and write and keep writing on
poetries, stories , and tragedies gone ,
hoping the pencil will stop or shall break
praying to myself ,for sanities sake
the paper looks up and i look in
her stories of pain, shall always begin
the end is not written , her story goes on
ages and ages are yet left to mourn.
you and i
how close am i to you ? if you think i am the one to love you most and keep you safe your definitely wrong .....all i seek is to drink you blood , and see you in pain , and till then i shall keep you as mine ..
and thus man chose to live , love and rule whom he devoured , his woman by his side to cater to his needs, be his feed , and do as he bids .
what is love actually , feeling , gestures, desires , or maybe another power game . who rules you or i , when i rule you complain , "women should never be on top" except on bed sometimes. when you rule im proud of you.
i let you keep me , love me , suffice your desires ,i let you own me ..... what happens when i want to do the same . am i not human enough ? what am i to you , your beloved pet ?
shouldn't you stop and think before you touch me again , that one day i might just leash you when your sleeping , and you wake up tied up for ever .
think before you all leash us , because one day tables will turn ....then what.?
and thus man chose to live , love and rule whom he devoured , his woman by his side to cater to his needs, be his feed , and do as he bids .
what is love actually , feeling , gestures, desires , or maybe another power game . who rules you or i , when i rule you complain , "women should never be on top" except on bed sometimes. when you rule im proud of you.
i let you keep me , love me , suffice your desires ,i let you own me ..... what happens when i want to do the same . am i not human enough ? what am i to you , your beloved pet ?
shouldn't you stop and think before you touch me again , that one day i might just leash you when your sleeping , and you wake up tied up for ever .
think before you all leash us , because one day tables will turn ....then what.?
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
justice
dont look , dont glare,
dont long , dont stare.
you cannot get away
look out ,look out, Ive have almost no doubt
now i know you, your short and stout.
i know your eyes , i know your face,
i know your smirking, filthy grimace.
you think you can touch wherever you want.
you think you can get away ,even when you taunt.
you think its funny , and think its smart
when you touch my body and stealthily dart.
your sly, your crude, your vulgarly rude
your smile shall vanish, like your gestures lewd.
your hands will no more, be linked to your brain
soon you shall realize, your no more sane
your manhood shall shrink forever, in a hole
your body shall be hung, upside down on a pole
your pride will be smashed, along with your soul.
your existence will question ,itself as a whole
your deeds inglorious of torture and pain
shall now be punished and you will be slain.
what you thought was you power is now your death
your end is coming the stage is set.
another day i see you messing around,
innocent women , who in silence are bound.
down you shall go , into your doom
for you to breathe , there shall be no room
dont look , dont glare,
dont long , dont stare.
you cannot get away
this time, the verdict, shall be very fair
dont long , dont stare.
you cannot get away
look out ,look out, Ive have almost no doubt
now i know you, your short and stout.
i know your eyes , i know your face,
i know your smirking, filthy grimace.
you think you can touch wherever you want.
you think you can get away ,even when you taunt.
you think its funny , and think its smart
when you touch my body and stealthily dart.
your sly, your crude, your vulgarly rude
your smile shall vanish, like your gestures lewd.
your hands will no more, be linked to your brain
soon you shall realize, your no more sane
your manhood shall shrink forever, in a hole
your body shall be hung, upside down on a pole
your pride will be smashed, along with your soul.
your existence will question ,itself as a whole
your deeds inglorious of torture and pain
shall now be punished and you will be slain.
what you thought was you power is now your death
your end is coming the stage is set.
another day i see you messing around,
innocent women , who in silence are bound.
down you shall go , into your doom
for you to breathe , there shall be no room
dont look , dont glare,
dont long , dont stare.
you cannot get away
this time, the verdict, shall be very fair
Saturday, July 31, 2010
you
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
and kept you for just myself
for now and years afar.
i would lose out on the winters
and lose out on the rain
and lose the tiny pleasures
that trickles out of pain
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
and held your hand for ever
leaving my door ajar
i would lose out on my leashes
and lose my zeal to live
and lose those single moments
i would have myself to give
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
and never leave your bedside
being for ever yours
i would lose out on my passions
and lose my worth inside
and lose out being myself
flow with ebbing tide.
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
i would have you in my bosom
close to my yearning heart.
and cast you to the stars.
and kept you for just myself
for now and years afar.
i would lose out on the winters
and lose out on the rain
and lose the tiny pleasures
that trickles out of pain
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
and held your hand for ever
leaving my door ajar
i would lose out on my leashes
and lose my zeal to live
and lose those single moments
i would have myself to give
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
and never leave your bedside
being for ever yours
i would lose out on my passions
and lose my worth inside
and lose out being myself
flow with ebbing tide.
if i carved you out of sunshine
and cast you to the stars.
i would have you in my bosom
close to my yearning heart.
Friday, July 16, 2010
lost
dont touch the wall,the stench is still too strong,
you can still feel, the scattered mass beneath.
dont breadth so deep,your pain shall not stay long.
your health may stir the movements of your feet.
dont touch the floor,the creatures will rise too soon.
out of death and thrive again to kill
dont touch the mass,they shall rise with the rising moon
devouring your soul ,till you cannot resit, even with the utmost will.
dont touch my hand ,my infected being longs to be loved in the rain
my face has shriveled to a shadowy form , lost its reason to smile
dont touch my hair ,its luster gone , matted , dry stains of pain remain.
my body aches to lie down, but i must, wait beside the heinous pile
dont touch my feet ,you cannot stoop ,so low as i have
my desires reek of unknown power, to seek all i want.
dont touch my heart, its still ,so very weekly naive.
hopes for love, unknowing the truth she must confront.
dont touch my soul,its strangely restless, almost breaking free
my tears drop rippling by onto the earthen mesh.
dont touch my thoughts, let them fly amongst the casuarina tree.
lost in the wind, my breath awaits , of life starting afresh.
you can still feel, the scattered mass beneath.
dont breadth so deep,your pain shall not stay long.
your health may stir the movements of your feet.
dont touch the floor,the creatures will rise too soon.
out of death and thrive again to kill
dont touch the mass,they shall rise with the rising moon
devouring your soul ,till you cannot resit, even with the utmost will.
dont touch my hand ,my infected being longs to be loved in the rain
my face has shriveled to a shadowy form , lost its reason to smile
dont touch my hair ,its luster gone , matted , dry stains of pain remain.
my body aches to lie down, but i must, wait beside the heinous pile
dont touch my feet ,you cannot stoop ,so low as i have
my desires reek of unknown power, to seek all i want.
dont touch my heart, its still ,so very weekly naive.
hopes for love, unknowing the truth she must confront.
dont touch my soul,its strangely restless, almost breaking free
my tears drop rippling by onto the earthen mesh.
dont touch my thoughts, let them fly amongst the casuarina tree.
lost in the wind, my breath awaits , of life starting afresh.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
leashes
i dread facing my image now
she or rather it petrifies me.
i feel oft like a monstrous being
fearing its own ghost..
the last time i looked at her
her beauteous flick mesmerized me
i would gap at those midnight tresses
smiling at her lovely nature
yet now , she feels so lost within
crumbling her self , distorting me
her enigma looses its power
she has lost her sheen
i hate to witness my own reflect
leashes binding her to death
peace has abandoned her company
rage consoles my heart bereft.
her distorted being devours her beauty
feeding on her soul and mine
helpless , her leashes bind me too
my being struggles for sanity
my mind tired ,my hung low,
my body loosing its strength
giving in to the bounds of reality
i surrender to my shadow.
she or rather it petrifies me.
i feel oft like a monstrous being
fearing its own ghost..
the last time i looked at her
her beauteous flick mesmerized me
i would gap at those midnight tresses
smiling at her lovely nature
yet now , she feels so lost within
crumbling her self , distorting me
her enigma looses its power
she has lost her sheen
i hate to witness my own reflect
leashes binding her to death
peace has abandoned her company
rage consoles my heart bereft.
her distorted being devours her beauty
feeding on her soul and mine
helpless , her leashes bind me too
my being struggles for sanity
my mind tired ,my hung low,
my body loosing its strength
giving in to the bounds of reality
i surrender to my shadow.
love struck
my heart sings a song to you,
a song of love , a song of care,
a song reliving the love we share.
singing mildly 'i love you too'.
i open my eyes, my music flies
rhythmic verses ,eternal ties
reaching your heart
now filled with sighs.
passion burning within my core
filled with reveries of cupid's sore.
aching for your embrace.
my soul awaits her cure
my restless mind now loosing pace
your kiss , so filled with endearing grace
i see , no sun , no shadowy night
my world witness , your loving sight
my bosom yearns for you touch
the ecstasy of your kiss
the desire of your being.
impregnating my element
i close my eyes , my world awake
harmony strung for love's sake.
a song of love , a song of care,
a song reliving the love we share.
singing mildly 'i love you too'.
i open my eyes, my music flies
rhythmic verses ,eternal ties
reaching your heart
now filled with sighs.
passion burning within my core
filled with reveries of cupid's sore.
aching for your embrace.
my soul awaits her cure
my restless mind now loosing pace
your kiss , so filled with endearing grace
i see , no sun , no shadowy night
my world witness , your loving sight
my bosom yearns for you touch
the ecstasy of your kiss
the desire of your being.
impregnating my element
i close my eyes , my world awake
harmony strung for love's sake.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
wishes.....
if i were to buy you riches,
and set your throne high.
i would bleed my hands out;
but ne'er would i sigh.
if i were to win you kingdoms,
and every meadow green.
i'd savor times of skirmish
but never be the queen.
if i were to bring you wisdom,
and store you worthy manse.
with knowledge of centuries
without an aching glance.
but if i were to seek your ardor,
and wish your genial care.
id stand by my casement,
just wishing you were here.
and set your throne high.
i would bleed my hands out;
but ne'er would i sigh.
if i were to win you kingdoms,
and every meadow green.
i'd savor times of skirmish
but never be the queen.
if i were to bring you wisdom,
and store you worthy manse.
with knowledge of centuries
without an aching glance.
but if i were to seek your ardor,
and wish your genial care.
id stand by my casement,
just wishing you were here.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
mystified
i woke up just now in fear , yes. yet another terribly bad dream.
i am fed up now. i hate this phobia developing within me , yet somehow i cannot see what it is...
sinking within , petrified to even realize what is engulfing me...
i keep thinking and repeating to myself that it is a dream,
yet my mind ,shudders in fear, what if its not a dream what if its true...
its meaning i know not what , is mostly undecipherable.
my poetry lacks the ability to narrate its vividness...
it seems a nightmare now , so full yet so hollow ..
catastrophe to mankind, yet when i wake up , i smile to myself ...
the pleasure of having this dream is like an addiction .
i dream it repeatedly , telling myself its may be real, just to wake up and realize its a dream...........
it starts with a bright sunshine , flowers , beaches. its as if some movie camera is focusing on all the good things of life...focusing on life itself.....bright green canopies ,blue seas, and lovely breeze.
gradually day breaks with war in the plains while i watch from the mountain top. deadly and bloody , men slaughtered like animals, i have never witnessed such intensity and impact of explosion...hatred within mankind for each other. I feel my toes curling in fear
My mind is raked with such tremendous torture..I pray to some unearthly being to help.
the skies are bleeding now,the rainfall being strangely red and acidic.
I am scared i hide , in a cave ...only to find myself impregnated with child........
it seems so real , i feel too devastated and scared to even believe it. My body feels heavy and i can feel life within me.
i can even feel immense pain in my head , bright light fills the cave .I see myself holding a baby wrapped in blood covered white sheets....
it ends with an explosion ,everything around me is destroyed while the baby sleeps peacefully in my arms unaware of anything that is occurring in her surroundings.
its very unusual to have such violent dreams maybe my mind seeks an outlet in creating such contradictory situations ....
i am a perturbed .
i am fed up now. i hate this phobia developing within me , yet somehow i cannot see what it is...
sinking within , petrified to even realize what is engulfing me...
i keep thinking and repeating to myself that it is a dream,
yet my mind ,shudders in fear, what if its not a dream what if its true...
its meaning i know not what , is mostly undecipherable.
my poetry lacks the ability to narrate its vividness...
it seems a nightmare now , so full yet so hollow ..
catastrophe to mankind, yet when i wake up , i smile to myself ...
the pleasure of having this dream is like an addiction .
i dream it repeatedly , telling myself its may be real, just to wake up and realize its a dream...........
it starts with a bright sunshine , flowers , beaches. its as if some movie camera is focusing on all the good things of life...focusing on life itself.....bright green canopies ,blue seas, and lovely breeze.
gradually day breaks with war in the plains while i watch from the mountain top. deadly and bloody , men slaughtered like animals, i have never witnessed such intensity and impact of explosion...hatred within mankind for each other. I feel my toes curling in fear
My mind is raked with such tremendous torture..I pray to some unearthly being to help.
the skies are bleeding now,the rainfall being strangely red and acidic.
I am scared i hide , in a cave ...only to find myself impregnated with child........
it seems so real , i feel too devastated and scared to even believe it. My body feels heavy and i can feel life within me.
i can even feel immense pain in my head , bright light fills the cave .I see myself holding a baby wrapped in blood covered white sheets....
it ends with an explosion ,everything around me is destroyed while the baby sleeps peacefully in my arms unaware of anything that is occurring in her surroundings.
its very unusual to have such violent dreams maybe my mind seeks an outlet in creating such contradictory situations ....
i am a perturbed .
Friday, April 23, 2010
spaces
Spaces
“The number you are trying to reach is presently not available”
I tried Sumit’s phone again it was not available. Sumit is never available since
our marriage three years back. Our marriage was that of convenience.
We were friends for several years both being very busy with our careers. Our parents assuming we were in love concluded that marriage was the best thing for us. Neither of us objected because it was convenient for both
Over the years Sumit has become a habit. He is barely home, and when he is, he is working. We hardly communicate, we do not need to, we understand each other well. We believe in giving space to each other. We live more like roommates than like a family. It’s beneficial for our careers after all.
Sumit is very cautious by nature, never keeping any stone unturned.
He looks after both his parents and mine. Our family is almost perfect except of course the immense space between us its rather suffocating nowadays.
I have decided today however to talk with him. His mother feels we need a holiday, she probably feels we are falling out of love.
If only she would realize that we were not in love.
He has never been so late. Its 11:45. Usually his phone is not available till 11 when he is at work. He then drives back home, everyday. If he is ever late he informs me,
Its 12:15 I call him again his phone rings this time, I disconnect it. Sumit dislikes attending calls or messaging people while he is out for work except emergencies.
Ill have to talk with him tonight, probably his mother is right, probably we should cease being roommates, may be we do not need so much space between us, may be?
I hear the doorbell. Sumits home. Either of us has to communicate, I will have to break the ice tonight.
I open the door………………………and the space between us is destroyed for ever.
They carry his body out of the house. I busy myself consoling his mother.
I pick up his phone, and see the last unfinished message he was about to send………..”I am coming home jaan
Do not worry
P.S: "love you”could never say it though
I switch it off……………………………tears roll down after a decade
he made me cry.
love is easy ,living is hard
“The number you are trying to reach is presently not available”
I tried Sumit’s phone again it was not available. Sumit is never available since
our marriage three years back. Our marriage was that of convenience.
We were friends for several years both being very busy with our careers. Our parents assuming we were in love concluded that marriage was the best thing for us. Neither of us objected because it was convenient for both
Over the years Sumit has become a habit. He is barely home, and when he is, he is working. We hardly communicate, we do not need to, we understand each other well. We believe in giving space to each other. We live more like roommates than like a family. It’s beneficial for our careers after all.
Sumit is very cautious by nature, never keeping any stone unturned.
He looks after both his parents and mine. Our family is almost perfect except of course the immense space between us its rather suffocating nowadays.
I have decided today however to talk with him. His mother feels we need a holiday, she probably feels we are falling out of love.
If only she would realize that we were not in love.
He has never been so late. Its 11:45. Usually his phone is not available till 11 when he is at work. He then drives back home, everyday. If he is ever late he informs me,
Its 12:15 I call him again his phone rings this time, I disconnect it. Sumit dislikes attending calls or messaging people while he is out for work except emergencies.
Ill have to talk with him tonight, probably his mother is right, probably we should cease being roommates, may be we do not need so much space between us, may be?
I hear the doorbell. Sumits home. Either of us has to communicate, I will have to break the ice tonight.
I open the door………………………and the space between us is destroyed for ever.
They carry his body out of the house. I busy myself consoling his mother.
I pick up his phone, and see the last unfinished message he was about to send………..”I am coming home jaan
Do not worry
P.S: "love you”could never say it though
I switch it off……………………………tears roll down after a decade
he made me cry.
love is easy ,living is hard
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
wanderings.................
snippets of glory , singlets of verse,
silently humming songs unrehearsed....
revealed histories,untold mysteries,
crystal hues of a sudden cloudburst.
fiery sunset, hustling ghats.
bustling townsmen at their Sunday chats.
windy evenings,eager beings,
untold epics of fatal combats.
lazy wanderings, stolen thoughts,
jingling bangles,trinkets o' all sorts.
secrets smiles, empty mud-pots,
gentle gestures seemingly well taught.
dusky sky, speeding boats,
ringing bells at the ancient fort.
sonorous chonches,fragrant incense,
incessant reprise of sanctified chants.....
empty drums,retiring artisans,
forlorn alleys by dingy shams....
dismal sighs,hapless beds.
a slumber into hidden fantasies...
................................................ priyadarshini (7/4/010)
silently humming songs unrehearsed....
revealed histories,untold mysteries,
crystal hues of a sudden cloudburst.
fiery sunset, hustling ghats.
bustling townsmen at their Sunday chats.
windy evenings,eager beings,
untold epics of fatal combats.
lazy wanderings, stolen thoughts,
jingling bangles,trinkets o' all sorts.
secrets smiles, empty mud-pots,
gentle gestures seemingly well taught.
dusky sky, speeding boats,
ringing bells at the ancient fort.
sonorous chonches,fragrant incense,
incessant reprise of sanctified chants.....
empty drums,retiring artisans,
forlorn alleys by dingy shams....
dismal sighs,hapless beds.
a slumber into hidden fantasies...
................................................ priyadarshini (7/4/010)
Thursday, April 01, 2010
CUSTOMIZED
we walk, we talk. we give a sugary smile.
we nod, we agree , to every rotten pile.....
we know its wrong and yet we consume
we know its false and yet we presume...
you stand,you laugh , knowing the truth
yet you look away , ....is it that uncouth?
i think and think and keep thinking away....
right, wrong, just,unjust , my thoughts fleeting away.
masks and tasks i decide which to choose.
tasks it is .............masks i refuse to use....
i stare and stare anticipating the next
knowing the end will make me more vexed....
faces and traces of false tears on them ,
i read very well their greed for fame.
alas i can only warn ......for the world has only one call
be customized according to your call.
smile,and please and fetchingly seek...
and you will favored for your are sheepishly weak.
be bold and blunt and truthful to your duty ,
you end being a liar and a scholar unworthy.
we nod, we agree , to every rotten pile.....
we know its wrong and yet we consume
we know its false and yet we presume...
you stand,you laugh , knowing the truth
yet you look away , ....is it that uncouth?
i think and think and keep thinking away....
right, wrong, just,unjust , my thoughts fleeting away.
masks and tasks i decide which to choose.
tasks it is .............masks i refuse to use....
i stare and stare anticipating the next
knowing the end will make me more vexed....
faces and traces of false tears on them ,
i read very well their greed for fame.
alas i can only warn ......for the world has only one call
be customized according to your call.
smile,and please and fetchingly seek...
and you will favored for your are sheepishly weak.
be bold and blunt and truthful to your duty ,
you end being a liar and a scholar unworthy.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
warrior of light (2)
u failed me! courage accused me yet again
yes, i was scared, petrified at my own reflection
at the weakling within......distortions i feared would reveal
the looser in me...........
fathomless in deep pain , my tears new no bounds
my mind disillusioned now
yes, i was afraid , afraid to face ,my reality ,
i had been living a dream , avoiding my own fact
i wanted to flee now , yet a force held me back
not knowing what it was , i tried to defy it...
my will power , and strength , had reached its end
i was loosing my own self ,in self pity
my doom was evident again .................
yet again however the force within tried stopping me
i had never paid heed to the words being chanted in my head
now in solitude i listened
"accept your reality , face it.
fear is not a symbol of weakness
running away is"
my inquisitive mind questioned the chantings
they answered ..................
."the warrior of light must rise.
every time she falls.....
she must try never giving up,
she must keep promise
her teacher's vow
she will win............
she must fight"
dumbstruck in awe of my own strength,
i was grateful ,my angel was right within
i start of afresh another WAR.
yes, i was scared, petrified at my own reflection
at the weakling within......distortions i feared would reveal
the looser in me...........
fathomless in deep pain , my tears new no bounds
my mind disillusioned now
yes, i was afraid , afraid to face ,my reality ,
i had been living a dream , avoiding my own fact
i wanted to flee now , yet a force held me back
not knowing what it was , i tried to defy it...
my will power , and strength , had reached its end
i was loosing my own self ,in self pity
my doom was evident again .................
yet again however the force within tried stopping me
i had never paid heed to the words being chanted in my head
now in solitude i listened
"accept your reality , face it.
fear is not a symbol of weakness
running away is"
my inquisitive mind questioned the chantings
they answered ..................
."the warrior of light must rise.
every time she falls.....
she must try never giving up,
she must keep promise
her teacher's vow
she will win............
she must fight"
dumbstruck in awe of my own strength,
i was grateful ,my angel was right within
i start of afresh another WAR.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
crystal lens
myriads of colors,shapes and textures
you have shown me the world through you lenses.
quietly seeping into my soul,
my world regains her happiness .
quietly through your eyes ,i see new horizon
black and white,sepia , grey too ......
yet somehow , colors do fill my soul
never seen grey look so colorful
amidst all monochromes , you are ....
what makes me happiest
thank you
you have shown me the world through you lenses.
quietly seeping into my soul,
my world regains her happiness .
quietly through your eyes ,i see new horizon
black and white,sepia , grey too ......
yet somehow , colors do fill my soul
never seen grey look so colorful
amidst all monochromes , you are ....
what makes me happiest
thank you
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About Me
- priyadarshini
- the mind is rich with ideas, they lie there cooped up in darkness, the soul struggling to set free.........suffocating the life within............. the battle begins.