third eye

i look myself in the mirror ,
my shame knows no bound.
everyday they come to room,
Sarita aunt never stops them.
i wish i could tell her,
how much it pains me.
how dirty i feel.

ma used to say its will be fine
when everyday she would comb my hair
before letting me out to play,
i would look back to see them entering her room
while she would close the door on my face.

i remember the men coming in palkis
to collect chaste soil from our courtyard
to make the idol ....
i wondered why our courtyard was so chaste
i found it rather dirty
stinking with smell of liquor, and dirty loin cloth

Sarita aunt always told me
we are the third eye
the third eye?
whose eye?
women from good families had them i guess
like the goddess durga

i keep looking at myself in the mirror
would i have a third eye,
would i? rather should i not?
i am no less pretty , no less loving ?
no less a mother than good women?

tonight i shall close my door,
and pray to Ma for my third eye
tonight i shall not succumb to them
tonight i want to know

if you made her out of my soil
would i not be her ?
if you closed you door to me
are you not defying her ?

i shall look into my mirror

tonight i shall find my third eye